Raising Emotionally Healthy and Confident Boys: Insights from Rachel Sklar, Founder of the Boy Mom Method™
Written by Heather Anderson
Rachel Sklar, founder of Sklar Parenting and creator of the Boy Mom Method™, is a dynamic speaker and parent coach on a mission to help mothers raising boys who are emotionally explosive, highly sensitive, or defiant. Through her unique approach, Rachel supports moms in guiding their sons to develop strong leadership skills, high social-emotional health, and a sense of confidence.
With a master’s degree in social work from UC Berkeley and certifications in parent coaching, she has become a trusted resource for mothers looking to navigate the complexities of raising boys. Below, Rachel shares her journey into parent coaching, discusses strategies for managing challenging behaviors, and offers practical tips for motivating boys and fostering better sibling relationships.
What inspired you to become a parent coach and specialize in helping mothers navigate the challenges of raising boys?
I've been working with children since I was 13, and I later got my master's degree in Children and Family Services at UC Berkeley. My thesis focused on the effectiveness of parent education and its impact on reducing child abuse recidivism. I thought I had all the book knowledge I needed, so when I had my first child, I was confident I’d be a great parent. But once I became a mom, I realized how much I didn’t know, especially when raising a strong-willed boy.
My first son was challenging, and nothing I had learned from parenting books seemed to work. I didn’t understand temperament at the time, and I kept trying to fit him into systems that weren’t right for him. I ended up feeling like a fraud because here I was, with a background in parenting, yet I couldn’t manage my own child. I decided to go back to work because I felt defeated.
It was during this time that I realized I needed help myself, but I couldn’t afford parent coaching. So, I enrolled in a parent coaching certification program, knowing that if I could coach myself through this, I could help others do the same. During that year, I learned to stop looking for answers in books and instead started asking the right questions about my child. That shift—seeing my child’s strengths and aligning my parenting with my values—made all the difference.
What’s the Boy Mom Method™ all about?
The Boy Mom Method™ is centered around three pillars, each designed to be customized to your child’s unique needs and temperament. The first pillar is all about connection management, which is the antidote to behavior management techniques that backfire with strong-willed boys. Systems of rewards and consequences can escalate boys’ behaviors rather than de-escalate them.
The second pillar focuses on teaching boys collaborative problem-solving skills. The goal is to raise leaders who understand the value of win-win solutions. These are skills boys can carry into adulthood, whether they become leaders at work or in their personal lives.
Finally, the third pillar is about setting boys up for success by creating environments and routines that help them thrive. Sometimes as parents, we unknowingly set our boys up for failure. By adjusting our parenting approach, we can create spaces where they succeed and feel supported.
Many parents struggle with managing emotionally explosive behavior in their children. What are some effective strategies you recommend for de-escalating these situations?
When your child is emotionally explosive, lead with their point of view first. Too often, we rush to express our perspective, but that only makes kids feel unheard and misunderstood. Rather than empathizing with their feelings (which can sometimes trigger them more), empathize with their thought process.
For example, you might say, "It makes sense that you threw that book because your brother walked into your room after you told him not to." By validating their thought process, you open the door for them to listen to you. Once they feel understood, they're more likely to accept guidance.
You’re passionate about helping parents raise future leaders with high social-emotional health. What does this look like in day-to-day parenting practices?
Raising leaders starts by allowing children to practice leadership within the family. This could be something as simple as letting them lead in decision-making during a family meeting. The key is giving them opportunities to take ownership and responsibility.
It’s also about teaching boys the value of collaborative problem-solving. For instance, in my own family, we struggled with movie night—everyone had different preferences, and it often led to arguments. We held a family meeting and brainstormed a list of movies we could agree on in advance, so everyone felt heard. It’s about creating an environment where boys learn that leadership includes negotiation, compromise, and thinking about others.
Motivating children without resorting to bribes and threats is a significant challenge. Can you share some practical tips for parents looking to encourage positive behavior in their kids?
Motivating kids from the inside out is about fostering autonomy, competence, and connection. Kids are more motivated when they feel competent at what they’re doing, when they’ve come up with the idea themselves, and when they feel connected to others during the task.
One of the biggest issues I see is parents relying on bribes. Heather, you mentioned your kids were applying bribes to everything—whether it was jumping in the car for rehearsal or having a good practice. When you use bribes, kids begin to expect rewards for everything and lose any sense of intrinsic motivation.
What I recommend in these cases is transparency. You might say, “I know we agreed that every time you jump in the car without whining, and have a good rehearsal, we’d get frozen yogurt. But now, it’s becoming too expensive. What else might we try?” Bring your kids into the problem-solving process so they can take ownership of the solution. It’s about shifting from “What can I get out of this?” to “How can we make this work better for everyone?”
Sibling rivalry can be a distressing issue for many families. What advice do you have for parents dealing with constant conflicts between siblings, especially among boys?
The biggest mistake parents make is focusing on who's to blame. I always say, "Shame and blame lose the game." Your goal is to protect both children’s emotional lives, not assign blame. When conflicts arise, stay neutral and be Switzerland.
Heather, you mentioned your sons fighting over computer time and each feeling like the other was being unfair. Start by asking each child, “What need are you trying to meet?” Maybe one is trying to connect with a friend online, while the other just wants his fair turn. The goal is to help them recognize each other’s needs and work toward a solution together. When you focus on the underlying needs, rather than the behaviors, you can guide them toward a win-win solution.
Getting organized with routines is crucial for busy parents. Can you provide examples of routines that have worked well for your clients or your own family?
Routines are essential, but so are systems. During the pandemic, my kids would leave cereal bowls all over the house. To solve the problem, I bought color-coded bowls for each of them. If they left their bowl somewhere, I’d place it on the microwave, sour milk and all. If they wanted more cereal, they had to clean the bowl first. This system eliminated the endless supply of dirty bowls, and we’re still using it years later.
Whether it’s color-coded cereal bowls or assigning cleanup duties after dinner, the key is finding a system that works for your family and sticking to it.
“You can’t control when your kids will misbehave, but you can control how you respond. It’s also about creating systems that help your family succeed and prioritizing relationships over being right.”
As a working mother yourself, how do you balance your professional commitments with the demands of parenting three boys? What strategies might you offer other working parents?
It’s all about transparency and communication. If I’m working late or on the weekend, my kids know they can call me out. I also make sure we communicate as a family ahead of time. If I have a full day of client calls, I let everyone know so we can set expectations for the day.
Balancing work and parenting is about setting yourself up for success by knowing what you can and can’t control. You can’t control when your kids will misbehave, but you can control how you respond. It’s also about creating systems that help your family succeed and prioritizing relationships over being right.
Looking ahead, are there any new projects or areas of research in parenting that you are excited to explore and develop further in your practice?
I’m really excited about my new app, Sage. It’s an AI-based coach trained in the Boy Mom Method™. Sage helps parents by asking questions about their child’s temperament and behaviors and then creates an action plan based on those answers. It’s designed to help moms stay on track and follow through with personalized strategies for raising their boys.
My mission is to get the Boy Mom Method™ out to as many parents as possible, and I believe this app will allow me to do that on a larger scale. It’s currently in beta, but I’m excited about where it’s headed.
Lastly, as a mother to three boys, what has been one of the most surprising or enlightening aspects of parenting for you personally?
How much I love the teenage years! I never expected this, but considering the investment I made in our relationship when they were young, it’s been so worth it. It’s a time when you really see the payoff of all the hard work you put in earlier. It’s never too late to make that investment in your kids, and I want other parents to know that, too.
Are you dealing with challenging behaviors in your boys and ready to try something new?
Explore Rachel’s Boy Mom Method™ and her parenting courses here.
Follow her for practical parenting tips and insights on social media here.
Interested in one-on-one coaching? Book a session with Rachel here.
You can also find Rachel on The M List, The Mamahood’s searchable database of mom-recommended resources, or connect and collaborate with her inside of The Club, a membership for women Founders.